Dedication to My Dearly Beloved: An Elegy for Myself
Came over again to enjoy a muse,
Lovingly spent my attention towards lecture,
Finally turned to be a disastrous treacher.
Lapping into dreams with lovely angels,
Since the devil of darkness interrupted with light,
Smiling towards self consciousness and serving with integrity,
My mind flew back to be what it was, aside.
Being an escapist, loved to leave reality
Striving towards unknown thoughts
And seeing all unknown things.
Loving to be a mutterer and lavishing high in passion,
Seeking for my love in the midst
Of unknown beastly passion.
Stillness surrounding the beating of my heart
Booing me around to come to conclusion,
Which never was once there in the past.
Dreaming is good when eyes opened wide,
Claiming to listen to a lecture,
With self conscious eye!!!
Stringing like a bee with unseen muses,
Passing by the wonderland of pleasant fuses,
Seeming unavoidable but shabbily disastrous,
So was myself in the midst of dryness.
Loneliness haunted with merciless fangs,
Struck the viper with self proclaimed heart.
Out of the selfish, came the treacherous,
Out from the treacherous, came out the jealous,
Accompanied by ego and pathetic attitude,
Spirited my mind with lowly solitude.
Spending my relationship like spendthrift scoundrel,
Nowhere was I leaving myself as single.
Ruining myself with senseless actions
Came out the result that let me all alone in sadness.
Once was I surrounded by people of love,
Left me single when I tried to possess them with love.
Too much of entity drooling from my heart,
Drowned me deep to sink and, apart.
In the midst of desert rain, so was I,
Came down a creature crawling with cry.
Ego clasps potential and mutual understanding,
Due to stupidity all were shattered.
Unable to accept the tumbling in toil,
Wish I was dead and went back to the soil.
Seemingly hard to digest that all alone was I,
Unexceptional truth made me accept in spite of all ply.
Needed thy company as I was striving in pain,
Too much of sadness that I could not say.
My wings of faith was broken away,
Troubling myself for a suicidal slay.
Loving to embrace death with lust,
So was I to describe my days was out.
Steeple high and snaily slow,
Started my breath to lay me low.
Cheer was just a word without feel,
Understanding became dullest and ended in vain.
Happiness became mere memories as sadness flooded,
Waiting to happen some notable reverse!!!
Burden grows like a cocaine drug,
Too much to intake making me shrug.
There was I all left alone,
Parted from my loved one’s
And made me lame to be blown.
My beloved left, so my soul
Breaking my spirit in shallow dome,
Reasoning as her own personal work
Thrown out was I like a piece of junk.
Newton taught, for every actions there is equal and opposite reaction,
Love proved it with loneliness left without compassion.
Never to leave, nor to move on
Was I sinking deep in the midst of darkness.
Afraid to be turned evil but love didn’t stop,
Changing my alley to a critical state of flop.
Silent volcanoes erupt more but critical was I,
Wishing I was no more to bear all this plight.
Oh my darling, try to understand me
A day without you is hell for me.
Loved thee so much that hurting myself
Silence of yours shattered me to hell
I better die and rest in peace
Rather than compromising myself that I’m lost and least.
Love for thee is still burning within
Kiss me and change me with into immortal self.
Thou shall I be delivered from dying pain,
No more will it be like a vain in my vein.
Make it simple, easy and plain,
That’s so making me fly and claim.
Long forgotten was I to thee,
A single touch can make me return with glee.
Like a falcon in the sky,
With majestic wings.
Wings of faith and wings of love,
Eagerly waiting for thy return.
Don’t make me wait too long,
For shall I be no more alive,
But to meet you in the sky.
Joel CJI
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